The morning my momma was killed, I heard the sirens. To this day the “what-if” questions plagued my mine.” What if I walked the same way she walked that morning?” What if I was noisy that particular day and went to see what was on?” Why couldn’t I just do more?”
Reality is, there wasn’t anything else I could do. I wish I was there is pray, to help, to yell for her to get out of the way, to tell off the driver for running the light, to tell my momma that everything would be okay.
Everyday, I miss my lady. Everyday I wish she was here supporting me, loving on me, calling my name when she needed something, watching her grand kids grow up. I never got to say good bye. No see you laters’. She was just gone.
I am usually a sea of emotions this time of the year. Don’t want to leave bed, be bothered, nothing. But my life after 16 years has moved forward. My circle is different. I don’t have people dictating to me how I should grief. Or placing a cap on my emotions. Or discouraging me from feeling how I feel.
I am no longer allowing others to use me as a doormat. Not getting taken advantage of by people my momma knew meant me no good. No longer that insecure little girl who needed attention and validation.
I am better because of her strength. I am better because of the way she expressed her love. I am better because of the example she set. I am because of her.
I miss my momma something awful. But I know she is resting. Watching over me. Rooting me on.
And I pray I am making her proud.
Kingdom Motivation 